deead tired. but i decided 2 blog. alot of things r bugging mi.. i needa sort out my tots. slept barely 3 hrs last night. n 2dae was a hard dae for mi, this typical pig :p couldnt sleep..
started thinking bout my granpa. been 10 months odd since he left us.. i rilly miss him. i cant believe 10 months pass juz like tt. for 15 yrs, i saw him for almost everydae of my life. n now.. i havent seen him for 10 months. though i was never close 2 him..i kinda miss him. where is he now?
u noe.. sitting at his favourite rockin chair yest, juz sitting there, brought mi countless memories.
reminded mi of e times wen i was young, n e old chair was my favourite "toys". i found endless joy playinga round e rocking chair. trying 2 stand for as long as possible when the chair was rocking.. e countless time i flipped over, landed on e floor, cried endless tears....
e times wen i was in lower p sch. wen lunch would b juz my granny n mi, e delicious 'hot pots' she would cook. wen i would alwaes rush 2 beat her in getting e rockin' chair seat.. e many meals i had, sitting on e rockin chair, watching tv.
reminded mi of e times wen i see my grandpa sitting there, reading e papers. as though he had endless articles to read, mayb he read them over n over again? i nva botehred 2 ask... i never knew, n i wun ever get to noe alreadi. these r e lil things i regret not doing.
also, i tot of e night he left. n e period of time wen i sat by him, watching his suffer in agony. tt scene, e agony he felt is deeply engraved in my memory. tt was possibly e longest time i've spend wit him? i stil rmb how, despite being so weak... yet he was able to squeeze my hand so much tt it hurt, cuz he was hurting. hmm.. i wish i learnt 2 treasure e ppl around mi more.
den i had a peculiar dream tt night.. yest night to be exact. i dream tt i died? not gonna elaborate e deatails.. but i dreamt tt i died.. n i felt angry wit myself. so angry.. and yet sad. e first thing tt came 2 my mind was him, how i din tell him how i felt. juz cried n cried n cried. -.- u noe.. suddenly, wen i woke up n found my wet pillows.. i told myself tt i would send him an email or sms 2 tell him.. todae. but each time i took out my phone, words juz wun come out. i din noe where 2 start. all i wanted 2 let him noe was tt he is sum1 special 2 mi.. mayb not in e like sense.. but juz sum1 who is special?? but i juz couldnt bring myself to type anything. sumhow.. one small small part of mi.. very small part, wish tt i would get A1 for my comp humans.. den i would haf 2 carry out wad i betted wit tug.. to tell him. hahaz.. but.. part of mi un wan tt 2 happen. well.. i dun even think passing is possible anywae..
hmm.. rattered enuff. everybody's blog sumhow dead.. everybody is busy studyin. guess i shld start too..x.X but b4 i get 2 sum mugging. Dreamland!!here i come! =)