07052005
haha. in like 4 more hours, im turning 16 =)
how cool.
imagine those nc 16 shows i can watch legally, though none of em are realli nice anywae =x

but actualli, i dun really feel hppy.
suddenly things seem so fast, 5 months almost gone,
in like a few months time itz gonna b lotsa studying. den e prelims.
den more studying. den e O's.
den i would graduate, hopefully from tms with outstanding results lar.
but ttz another thing all together.

being in kindergarden is like quite fresh in my memory.
those daes wen daes are full of colouring and drawing n fun.
when friends are those who were willing to play with me and share their crayons =)
all i used 2 worry about is what's going to happen next in those tv shows. when is daddy going to bring me to macdonalds for hotcakes again. or when can mommy bring me go shopping for clothes and shoes. hahas.
oh man, thinking back. i rilly miss those daes.

den there was e primary sch years. it was this period tt i grew up. also many of e first times. first time going to my frens house. first time tt i felt how it feels like 2 fail. first time doing a project. first time taking e bus to sch and many many stuff. hahas. graduating from dps was like yesterdae, wen we were all in e sch hall, singing e graduation day song. i miss e old damai, with all e old teachers n rules. now i must say it sucks. =b

so fast. itz e secondary sch daes. i've learnt many more things. gained experiences i'll nva forget. had beautiful memories, also sad ones too. made more friends. bcame more mature. haha. so fast man.

but i think i've really changed.
1. i ate 7 bananas yesterdae. haha. b4 u scream in shock or smth, itz those tiny weeny bananas. my mom gave em 2 mi n i juz ate em w/o making a big fuss. for dinner. how nice. hahas. ppl who noe mi realli well shld noe tt i dun take bananas. never. yet i did yest. =2. i dun mind eating cheese products anymore, not so much la. normally wen my mommy buys food with filling insde, i'll die die also wun take those w cheese. yet yest i ate e mee jiang kuay, with e cheese filling. instead of choosing e choco one. mayb i've become less picky. hahaas. but im still picky lar actualli. =x
3. i dun bother 2 pretend tt im ok anymore. if im pissed i would sae i am. if im upset i will admit it. i realise its no pt keeping it all inside... and ive found a few more waes 2 vent my anger or express my unhappiness. last time if im unhappy or angry, i'll probably cry to sleep or juz go n sleep. wen i wake up it would alwaes b a nice new feeling, all e unhappineess of yesterday would b almost gone. unelss e thing im unhappy about has a huge impact on me la. or i'll go play on e swing. i dunno why. i juz love swinging. since young =) it makes mi feel... happy n light hearted.
no, i've foudn one more wae. scream. it works. upset or stress or angry. juz scream like crazy. scream n scream n scream. den aft a while u'll feel e exhaustion, den e relieve. den thigns will b okae =)
4. i gave up on hating ppl. last time i had a few ppl whom i realli hated. those aroudn mi will noe la. i totally hated ppl like joseph? pamela? cheryl? clarissa? hui wen? but now, nope. i dun hate em anymore. haha. in fact, i love joseph pamela clarissa huiwen cuz they're tms chorale members. and i obiously lvoe my lil darlign boy cheryl =p
juz tt i realise itz no pt hatign em lar. juz make myself feel more miserable. instead i juz need 2 search n look 4 their gd pts 2 like em =)
5. i also learn 2 become less bothered bout everything ttz around me. in e past, i use 2 wan things 2 happen e wae i want em, if not i would feel ratehr let down or low. but now irealised, actualli it doesnt realli matter. no matter wad i wan, e sun will still rise n set. things will still happen n ppl will still do things dat they wanna do. so im not gonna b so botehred bout everythiung anymore n make myself feel pset. instead, i'll juz go with how things are.
6. and e most miraclorous [i dunno how2 speell it!!] thing is tt i din ask for a single bdae present. =x mabbe i did 2 him bout e promise, [and i mean it] but e flowers one was juz on impulse la. but i din ask from my daddy or mommy or my brotehr anything at all. i guess i juz realli dun care already. every yr i would ask for things tt i wan, not things dat dey realli wanted 2 gif mi. so my mom was like kinda surprise la, keep asking mi wad i want. dat dae she was like. oei , ask u for elast time. u dunwan anything den nothing liao hor. and all i said was ya lar. i dun wan naything. hmmm.. perhaps we realli change.
i also dunno. perhpas i've grown up. perhaps...

for e first time of my life, im spending my bdae with tt sum1 special. perhaps itz not really love. perhaps we dun noe if we realli like one another. there are times wen we were so happy when we're tgt yet sumtimes it juz feels so wrong. times u made mi really happy tt i can b smiling like a goondo[idiot] juz thinking about it yet times when ur actions/words brought tears 2 my eyes. though there are times wen i feel so angry and refuse 2 talk 2 u, i would stil find myself missing u at e end of e day. i cant b sure tt u're really e puzzle piece tt fits,
but no matter wad, i promise tt i'll cherish n love u till... e chemistry betwn us dies. haha. im sry. im no believer of e word foreva. =p

last yr i rmb i was hoping n waiting like crazy for him 2 juz wish mi a happy birthday. it was tt simple but it din come true. honestly i kinda gae up on wishes for a while. =(
BUT, e hope n faith kinda grew again. and i do haf a list of wishes. [not v long la. HAHA. dun believe mi =x ]

1. i wish tt i can get like 8 A1s? hahaah. abit not v possible la. but i dunno. juz wishing for e best of e best tt i can achieve.
2. i wanna get into one of e top 5 jcs. top 3 even betta =D and i wanna take c maths n f maths in jc. =]
3. i wish everybody would b happy and contented with their lives. seems like alot of ppl aroudn mi are kinda down cuz of life, love or frenship or studies la. i wish everyone would b happy =) den life would b happier for all! =D
4.my LAST wish [heys.. 4 wishes ain a LOT] i wish all my otehr wishes would come true. =p

signing off, lin3.
e next post i'll b one yr older. muahahahha =)