nov 22
rained e whole day
freezes my fingers and feet
damm tired
had chalet last night
food was great. cooking was fun.
e pool and jacuzzis were nice and contrasting. one so hot one so cold. which i think is probably e cause of my fever now.
sleeping by e pool is nice, enjoyed it.

went shopping today with joanna.
finally found my dress. and earrings and necklace and shoes.
so im more or less prepared for grad night.
but i dun feel like being there.
i wonder how it would go...

i feel so tired and old. one more year of my life is almost over. 16 yrs..
when i think back on it, i realised i did nth tt i couldb proud of, satisfied with.
failed to find my true friend.
failed to treasure e ppl who loved me.
failed to love others with all my heart.

when i came to temasek, i tried hard and pushed on.
to rid of e old, selfish and arrogant me.
after 4 yrs, it saddens me to see that i achieved nothing again.
i neglected e ppl i called friends.
i failed to love the one i really love.
i grew distant with my family
i shut off my inner voice within myself. and became someone not me.

aft almost 8 months, i realised.. probably i've been trying too hard. perhaps we arent meant to be after all.i need someone not him. someone who can go shopping with me, who can chat on the phone for hours with, someone whom can make me smile all e time, someone whom i can rely and trust on, someone who keeps all his promises, someone who loves me more den how i lvoe him.. i feel tt all e saga seeds are dropping out of my heart. and i cant seem to stop it.

i really wish to have a chance to start anew.
i wan to go to a place away from everyone i know, who's set heor mpressions and opinions of me.
i wan to be at a place where not a single soul knows me.
i'll start from scratch.
learn e basic rules of frenship.
learn to love myself b4 trying to love someone else.
learn the basics of communication again.
will i have this chance?