im feeling very pissed. my insides are like burning and boiling. so different from the nice cool weather outside.

and im trying to stay calm. and not hurl vulgarities.

BUT I FEEL SO PEK CHEY LA!

argh...................................

anyway, here's a nice skin. i like it alot. quite plain.

but i really like it.

i wanna upload a foto marquee,

and also add the song wonderful tonight.

ive thought alot of things the past few days,

thinking abt the choices that i made.

1. Netball

trng yesterday made me think alot.

the 3.2km was really not very tiring, but it shldnt la, considering the pace that i was running at. but at least i din stop, good improvement. can continue working on that =)

the sets that we did were ok too, i could do the passes easily, the crunches, the push ups. even though the burpees were kinda really tiring but i din like die la.

then came the game. i had to play GK, means i tag the shooter to defend her balls. and i REALLY SUCK at it. i really cannot defend for nuts, cos if i keep my eyes on her, i lost the ball. if i focus on the ball, i lsoe her. it was really a fuking time. i felt so useless. so lousy. so out of place.

i wish i can say i want to play attack. but there shld be obvious reasons why i was put in def, mayb they already realise that i suck more at attacking. but personally i prefer attacking. but does it matter? no.

den i wonder.. wad if i din join netball. wad if i stayed with squash. so many wad ifs..

but then again i dun wanna give up so easily.

im gonna train hard, by myself.

im gonna learn the sport. i wanna OWN NETBALL.

2. OCIP

when the announcements came and stuff, iwas really realy enthu about it. i cant wait to go and i would haf died to be selected.

den i was selected. and i ran for the excos but failed. i told myself not to give up, cos even if im not in the exco, i can still be making a difference.

den the fund raising came, clashed alot with my studies. clashed with my outings. i had to manage my time betwen my frens and the whole thing. it was difficult. i struggled and thank god i din lost my frens along the way.

but now as the date draw closer, i realise ocip isnt only gonna take up the 23rd to the 1st dec of my life. its taking alot more,

im gonna miss the WHOLE of the psl year end camp, somethings which has already been a part of my life for the past 3 years. and now i cant even attend a tiny weeny part of it.

im gonna miss the camp that the PSA has organised since the beginning of this yr, which is to be attached tgt with the psl trng camp. and im totally missing both of it. bummers.

and whats worse, this is the last yr miss lee will be there as a camp teacher. who knows who will be the next teacher next yr, but definitely not someone as clsoe as miss lee.

and, during the camp there's gonna be this farewell night for miss lee, my psl mommy. and i wun be able to be there. this is really depressing. yes i noe i can make a gift for her and get samuel to give it to her, but i wun be there, to think back with the other psls of the times she touched our lvies. isnt tt great?

and im gonna mis the whole of junior league, except one match on the 5th of dec. i mean like if i miss this, i wonder if i will ever get to play compeititive netball for the rest of my life again.

the whole time i think abt all these, i wanna quit ocip.

but today i saw the videos, i read back my blog abt hte post whenn i was selected for ocip. i realise i cant turn back, i cant regret. i shld make the full use of the trip i guess. as long as i maximise my own potentials to make a difference to the lives of the kids there, these sacrifices would be worth it. it better.

and my timings for next week is damm screwed. i feel like ponning and staying at home. cos if i haf to go for everything im probably splited into 2s or 3s. haix. but i cant be a coward, i need to prioritise and plan. and if fuking pastamania isnt gonna cfm my schedule with me by tmr im gonna quit on them la, fucking irresponsible ppl. like im suppose to keep my days free waiting for them to call me. and they dun even reply to smses.. piss me off.

ok la to sum this whole post i think i just complained like mad la.

pw is 1030 tmr morning. how nice to start a sunday morning. haix.

i wanna go run. go to cycle on the beach tmr.

or just go out for breakfast. or play basketball. or swim again.

come on guys, say u will wake up at 8am to go with me =)

oh yes! i wanna watch colic. the story looks damm interesting. haha so rare tt i wanna watch a horror show. someone go with me? =)