hello october

im fucking tired.

its a public holiday and yet i spent my morning giving tuition. and the rest of the day in hospital cos my grandma's condition worsen. from a mild stroke, now she din eat for 2 days and has dehydration and low blood pressure and high sugar level in the blood and a suspected case of heart attack. the doctors are hoping that her blood pressure doesnt drop further or else she will be in the icu, and if even in the icu she doesnt improve then we may lose her.

it wasnt until today that i felt so scared, because all along i knew she was a strong woman and i would have her by me, to watch me earn my first income, to get a treat from me when i start working, to watch me get married and to watch me bear her grandchildren. today it struck me that she would be leaving anytime, and i think that time is really soon. perhaps she would be a in better place.