all the wrong places

today i finally had a break. i left school at 4pm, dinner in hand and headed home. reached home at a record 5pm. i never seem to get home earlier than 8pm usually, no matter what time i end school, cos i'll probbaly be studying outside/giving tuition/meeting someone for some reasons/out till late. it was nice, i just laid down at the living room and watched tv.

i happen to watch this korean drama on channel u, its been a loooong time since i watched shows, what more such sappy love show. i rmb how addictive these shows were like in j1 or j2, and i will rush home to watch the episodes one after another, even up till like 2am the next morning.

and i gotta admit, watching just that one episode stirred something in me.
that part of me missed having someone to love, someone to talk to and someoone to lean on to. i miss the feeling that i can depend on that special someone, i miss the connectedness that two people share.

for a while, i badly wanna get back on track. but then again i know that im looking for love at all the wrong places, and im sending all the wrong signals. after all a proper relationship would probably end in heartbreaks, so isnt random flings a better option?

i think along this journey ive lost my way, strayed out of the norm. life seems to revolved quite alot around sleeping through lectures, rushing and copying tutorials, eating, clubbing, drinking getting drunk and going home. conversations about people fucking people all is becoming nt something of a shock.

i feel frightened suddenly.
is growing up supposed to be like this?
i wanna go back to where i started from. but i dun think its possible cos my values and beliefs have changed.
,,
i dont know where to go from here.