i thought i totally screwed things up last night. the thought was reallly scary. like more scary than watching juechen falling asleep while holding his puke bag and eyes wide open.

but then i did not. i think i didn't at least.
and im really really happy.

and i came to a conclusion. i'll quit drinking. HAH ok im kidding.
but im not going to fall for the birthday thing and ask for more.
i must be contented with what i have.
i must be i must be i must be!