aft blogging last night, i couldnt sleep. tossing and turning, i wondered what is realli happening in my life. my life, yet  i seem so helpless in controlling wadeva happens. i made another wish. i hoped tt i would know wad 2 do.
was cutting some papers juz now for some stuff tml, den i accidentally tore 2 parts, then e line was not straight. i saw, how they fitted each other nicely. if i scotch taped em tgt, it would still form a perfect piece. and no other pieces could take any of e 2 pieces' place. no other piece which i tear, can ever fit into the space, and it dawned 2 mi tt tt'z wad i've ignored.
kenneth, a fren who has alwaes been there for mi, knew it. n he told mi long ago. i've saved his msges, and it nva did make sense to mi, until now. but i din delete em, for i've felt such feelings.. but i nva did faced tt fact. i buried everything deep inside, hoping tt they would fade awae. or  juz disappear. "
"you cant juz sweep everything under the rug and jz forget bout it foreva. it'll do you no gd......there are many other guys out there who may be much betta than him. there's alwaes sumone for sumone, the perfect match, is he?" 
maybe ive been forcing myself too hard. maybe it all wasnt meant to be. these seven months.. ive juz convinced myself tt mayb it would be possible. ive convinced myself tt as time goes by, he might be smth more then juz a klasmate.. he might tok 2 mi, we might be frenz.. ive convinced myself tt despite all his teases and jeers.. he would haf a caring side of him, part of him tt will treat ppl well and nice.. i guezz ive juz convinced myself too much, 2 much lies tt will nva come true.
for seven months, he filled almost all my momments.. given to choose again,  i would do e same. i felt happy.. but now.. aft 7 months of fairytale.. itz bout time 2 face reality.. things arent so possible. not all things are. he likes someone.. and he is happy liking her. im glad tt his life is turning out well for him.
i gif up.. 7 months, ive tried fitting myself to fit another piece of jigsaw in this world, but aft so long of trying, i realise tt we dun belong 2 each other. i shld juz gif up. ttz wad im doing now.. giving up.. itz difficult, so im gonna wish on e stars, to gif mi e strength.. to let go..