i thought i totally screwed things up last night. the thought was reallly scary. like more scary than watching juechen falling asleep while holding his puke bag and eyes wide open.

but then i did not. i think i didn't at least.
and im really really happy.

and i came to a conclusion. i'll quit drinking. HAH ok im kidding.
but im not going to fall for the birthday thing and ask for more.
i must be contented with what i have.
i must be i must be i must be!

i suddenly had a epihany moment today.
i think choosing a wallet is like, choosing a husband. or rather, like falling in love. and it occured to me when i was collecting my wallet from repair.

when it was handed over to me, it looked old and aged, its been through alot with me, saw me spending so much money hahahah. and i wondered, how in the world and why did i fork out so much for that wallet like years ago. but then again, when i first bought it then i was probably the happiest girl on earth. but now, i am trying to figure out why i bought it then.

sigh i feel like im just speaking alot of rubbish. but if u get it, awesome.

zzz. i feel so frustrated. like someones stepping on the invisible tail that i have got and i cannot get it to go away. finally "stepped on your tail" seems to make sense.

i feel like screaming very very loudly.
or go run until i feel so tired. and sleep.
but got no time.

2213 helpsheet is killing me. i can feel my fingers sore and numb trying to write so small. and my eyes going crosseyed cos so hard to read.
but there is this joy in studying. becuase when i am studying, nothing else matters.

sometimes, when we cant decide, we toss a coin.
i often do that too.
a friend's friend once said, if u toss a coin, and when u look at the result in doubt, you already have an answer in your head. how true is that. exactly fits qinghongs theory about me asking for opinions when im buying stuff. hahaha. he complained that whenever i asked red or blue, i already have an answer, i just needed affirmation of sorts.
but sometimes, life is not about choices. sometimes, the coin toss is already done.
so you live with it and STOP THINKING ABOUT IT

yay one paper down. but i feel like my exams are like over and done with! haha!

im so caught up with jiu xiang lai e ni. like seriously. i guess its been a long time since i have watched such lovey sappy taiwan dramas. but its always nice, to take a break from your life. and pretend u are in some parts of the drama. cry with them when they are sad and laugh when funnny things happy. and feel your heart ache when the love bird get separated. awwwwww.

WOOOOOOOO its the holidayss
ok actually, time away from school and your schoolmates to MUG. to learn everything that you did in this semester and the fate will be determined in four separate days, two hours each. i mean, my fate.
oh well how can i complain. i should embrace it.

sleep eat study eat study run eat tv sleep.
times 21.
LOL

sometimes, i wish everything did not happen.

if its something that might make you more unhappy because of the consequences that lies ahead, would you take a leap and try? because if you try, what lies ahead might be a pleasant surprise. then again, how do you decide. toss a coin?

for a very long time, i never had the feeling.

today i saw someone smile.
my heart jumped. and like a 1000 butterflies started flying in my tummy.

then i instantly felt sad and scared.
since when, and why did i fall for someone so impossible.

i always thought that emo was a loserish term

but now i think im feeling emo.

ok maybe a bit moody. i think i still dont like emo very much!
today i just sat at the bus stop and watched the rain fall, while the buses came and went. for once in a very long time, i was not rushing to anywhere, i was not iris-ing to check when the next bus would come, i was not planning how to bus hop to get to the destination at the fastest time.

i just sat there
watched the world go by

it should have been a happy feeling.
but i wasnt happy.
and i had tears in my eyes.