the very end

YES!! i survived this week. bloody hell of a week. the first 3 days were the hardest man, content packed days! but i survived :) i think lifes like this huh, there are the times when the going really gets tough, and its these moments tt i mustn give up n hang in there. and many years down the road u look back n hopefully can recall such moments with tt smile, smiling tt at least we din give up. its like how when i can think back about the Pw days when things were so so hard n it was so tiring but we din give up! we moved on as a group n did realy well in the end =)

econs is finally over. maybe u can kick me. but i feel quite sad too! maybe over time when i tried so hard to make it fall in love with me, i ended up re jiu shen qinging and loved it too. i guess when u get the big picture n u see the linkages econs is really nt a bad subject =)
and mrs lim was really really really nice to text us to ask abt the papers la. nt like the other teachers =p

chem is over too. seriously chem was a ARGHHH subject. so many topics din even appear?! like walau. its like a H 1/2 paper man. half of the h1 syllabus.

so so so. phys p1 left. tues 915am. that marks the end of this 12 yrs of education, like, the final final final hurdle. then i embark on another marathon. =] this feels really shuang im so looking forward to it. cos theres many things tt im looking forward to for after the A' :D

hang on ppl, study hard, tt 40 marks are valauble marks!

in 300 to 500 words, what divides people?

its getting harder and harder to keep up.
i feel really tired sometimes.
the vision of the near future feels blurry.
but im not giving up, trying very hard not to.

phys p2 chem p2 econs p2 econs p1.
the last 4 hardest papers, the true uphill of this journey.
i just keep telling myself its gonna be over in 72 hours.
hang on caroline!!!!!!!! hold tight like hanging on the the goriila bar!!

i like it when you choose the letter A :)

ok so week 2's down too. actually this week i only had the maths p2. but its quite a lot, cos tt sums up one whole subject. so its one more paper down, one entire subject down. actually i really am quite sad math is over just like that. sigh. suddenly a part of me really wants to continue doing math, but well... thats another story for another time.

but surprising this past few days ive unwinded quite a bit. managed to catch up with mingg n i finally made my inaugural trip to astons! i felt it was quite good value f0r money, but i still feel quite cheated cos i really think the waitress anyhow recommend us the sides la. how come everyones sides look so good. :(

and studying has been interesting, all the freezing in the various places and drama packed studying [ i saw a lady who was so fierce n loud ending up in a crying wailing state. drama mamama! ask me for details if u are a typical kaypo singaporean =)] and meeting with my juniors and seeing the temasek bb boys team train. wahh quite exciting hor my studying sessions. heh.

and to supplement the previous post, dun worry. just cos im learning to be more independent doesnt mean i will be on my own island. i feel its actually ignoring the people whos actions n speeches dun matter. the first step to reaching tt independence im talking about is to learn to not let things affect me, expecially if they ain worth it.

ok. 3 more days to go. to study for the 4 hardest papers left - phys p2 on mon. chem p2 n econs p2 on tues. and econs p1 on wed. and left with chem p1 on fri. then i will be techically 95% done with the A LEVELS! and we can celebrate mingg birthday!! hooray!

hang on caroline hang on. i must give it my all!

build that wall

maybe mingg is right after all.
with all that old n cynical thinking about independence.
being good. yesyes.
i am independent. :)


but i wonder, is it a coverup for loneliness?
monologuing kills so i should stop it but i cant stop. sigh.

im still going strong..

okay so its 4 papers down.
bye bye to
physics p3 [tt one i totally died],
gp[for good, adios]
and math p1[which was okaay:)].

yes!!! i survived one week. 3 more weeks.
16 more days before its all over.
actually it isnt that hard a time to pass. honestly im not stressed up to my neck or anything. maybe cos i felt so much worst during the O's. maybe cos ive been anticipating for this period to come for a long time cos everyone around me has scared me like mad about the big bad A's. or maybe.... :).




been thinking alot abt what to do after the big A's. minus those
million gazillion plans to chill n shop n eat n go crazy, i thought about those personal stuff.
like, what's next? where to?
i mean, life cant possibly just be all play n fun n laughter already. in less than 2 months im gonna be 19. 19, the last year of my teen. and probably the most time i'll have at hand for me to really enjoy my teen.

im definitely gonna find a job next yr, cant rot my 8 months away right? but i wonder... what will i be workin as? something i really wanna do, or soemthing just to earn the bucks? in fact the same applies for the future course of study, am i gonna choose what i want to do or choose something i dun mind doing cos it pays well. i think ive seen how real life can be, maybe im growing up, because suddenly the prospect of nt going all out for that number one passion but settle for something else cos it pays isnt that impossible now.

sigh, once again life crossroads. where i gotta make a choice. where i gotta decide.
never really much liking to make big life changing decisions. but i guess this is an inevitable part of life huh, i just gotta do whats the wisest thing to do.
but for now, at least the next 3 weeks, its still the big a levels.
all the best my friends.
keep believing! heads up n flap yur wings, u never know how high u can fly until u truly try!

and here it all begins.

so the last week of pre a-level days is gone just like that. ive studied my best, gave my all. it all begins tml, this is really been a roller coaster ride, the past 2 yrs we have been moving slowly up the slope. now we are right at the top. tmr, it will go WOOOSH and down we will go. so fast 3 weeks will fly by. and den we will party n party n party.. =)

to my dear dear frens, [acty u shldnt be reading this, haha!] stay calm n focused. we have prepared n mugged so much, just make sure all the mugging counts! do your best so that come next yr, we will be receiving our results with big smiles on our faces.

the past few days has really been quite an emotional coaster ride too, thank you for the ones who stayed by me and held me close. i really am lucky. and i'll cherish everything.

how odd, today i saw something that was so so familiar 2 years ago. haha. but i was glad, quite amused actually. cos i merely saw an image of myself, 2 yrs ago. time doesnt change everything does it? =p

small me, big world

i feel like this the whole day. small and tiny. quite amazing how much im letting these things affect me, maybe im not as brave as i thought. nor as confident as i thought i was. nor as sure of myself. that faith i had in myself just disappeared like a bubble bursting. maybe im just more silly than i actually think i am. caroline caroline, maybe its time to stop being a little girl. behave like a lady and join mingjennhua.

anyway on another note, lionel got a new comp.

like ok lor. a bigger n nicer comp lor. and he even upgraded his modem to get a wireless thingy so he can now tap on my wireless for my laptop lor. and he even paid extra for a nice soundwolfer[sp?] thingy so now his music play can play loud loud lor. and still sound like home theatre lor. and his room still got tv n two beds lor. and hes only 14 and also din do well in school lor. :(

ok i sound like such a whiny little kid. i pray darn hard he wun read the above para. haha.

but its kind of cool cos we are like talking over msn. like even though i can just shout out n he can hear me. we can play yahoo pool la! so cool right. HEHE. and i think im gonna camp in his room and watch like alot alot alot alot alot of shows when the as are over. hehehhehehehehe.

jiayou ppl! last week before it all begins...

i want this this this and that.

i realised im really demanding.
if i want something, it makes me really upset when i dun get it.
like really really really upset.
sigh.

somethings whispering in my subconcious mind tt things are really not right, and they shouldnt be this way and i should stop. but theres a large part of me that doesnt want it to.

F is for faith.

i wished i had more faith. more trust. less doubts.
cos at the bottom of it all, when i really think about it i think
its
just
me.

suddenly i thought abt jt's phrase tt he has on his blog.

clear eyes, full hearts, cant lose.

ive gotten quite some advice, but i know thats not how i do things.
to me, this isnt like a game, there isnt complications.
to me, i should just be who i am. i should say the things i wanna say.
but maybe its time to think about all these again.

theres so so so so much i wanna eat.

• thecaffebar at parkway
• steamboat buffet
• DONUTS. like 12 to be shared between a few ppl.
• smoke salmon, just lots of it.
• 85 dinner with stingray n otah n satay n friedoyster n bakchormee n chickenwings n dessert n sugarcanejuice
• fishnchips
• KFC!

if only i can eat anything i want n all the calories goes to someone else.
maybe i would be the happiest girl on earth.

F.U.B.

seriously.

WHEN WILL U LEARN CAROLINE.

dumbass.

arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

but girlfriends made my day. at the right place, right time.

i ate so much chocolate ice cream. like one pint. one omg pint. i really feel like a walking chocolate now. at least i feel less shitty/ready for more shit to come now.

im tough, i will last. yur shits wun. =D

childrens day!

the bad times just makes the good times better.
cos i think each time something bad happens it moulds us to be stronger people:)

and i finally decided on what i wanna do! its so exciting i tell you. i like thought of it till i fell asleep last night n even dreamt of it during my sleep la! hopefully it works! hehe =D

childrens day today. probably a good opportunity for us to reminisce our childhood days, when we were young n innocent n life was just carefree days. hah, those good old days. and of cos, dun forget those childhood dreams! :)

im strong

or maybe i thought so, but today i couldnt help feeling really small and tiny. in fact a large part of me was dying to get home, to somewhere where i wont be judged upon. i thought i was mature enough, but somehow it was my inner thoughts tt hurt me the most. i thought i protected myself enough, i thought i was stronger den this. maybe not.


someday when i can be embarassing and not have to wonder what impression i give.
when i am really really really who i am.
thats the day.

post prelims mortem

with 31 more days to go.
the clock is ticking..

so the prelims ended. and yea the past 3 days of school was kind of the post prelims mortem. we got back the scripts, the answer key, the comments from the teachers, and the remedial schedules. i think i will be crashing the econs remedial. so tt means more school in the week after next.

my results.
a B for chem. which was a total disappointment cos it used to be my strongest subj and i really screwed up the essay part. and i wished i wasnt so careless which caused me a grade. but this also serves as a reminder to study harder for chem cos information isnt being retained anymore!
an A for physics. i finally finally got an A for phys after so many months of studying this subj. and the feelings really good. cos suddenly it feels like the hard work is worth the while, and all the sacrifices i made to pay for tuition suddenly was worth it :) but actually something else made me even happier la. haha. but i think its really silly so i shallnt elaborate.
a D for econs. HEH econs is finally beginning to love me back abit, though the returns are still love inelastic cos i love econs like 200 times and it only loved me back like 20 times. but at least theres smth! im gonna increase the love elasticity so tt econs is gonna love me more. which means more mugging for econs! but at least i improved. and i din fail. =)
a B for maths. i found quite a few topics tt im still quite weak yet, so i guess tt means more practice? and i really need to be clear with the stuff n not start doubting myself n end up confusing myself during the paper. which means i need to train a clear state of mind.

so overall i improved my p and e, with the m being maintained and the c dropping by a grade. not too bad, i think i deserve a treat which i will give myself. maybe hmmm... lemme think=)

been a long week though there was only 3 days of school. im trying to get back to the mode of working very hard. cos the clock is really ticking now and theres 31 days to go. sometimes when i get really tired, i think about the motivating things ppl have told me before and it helps me to continue working hard.


"How much effort you are willing to put in, shows how badly you want it." - Mr Lim Bp
"the well prepared [students] are always lucky." - Mr Lim Bp
"i believe you can do it cos u are caroline lim shu xian!" - Janice
and heres one i saw from vivians blog. "if success is just a matter of attitude.."


no matter what, just keep trudging forward. and enjoy the remaining few days we have.
if you're tired take a break. but just dont give up!
happy weekends :)

hold my hands and walk with me.

tat! the ice cream chef :)

my oreo n cream ice cream, with gummy bears at the ice cream chef.
qinghong

so thats the end of this post prelim period. ice cream at the icecreamchef was fun, with qh jt n cheryl. and we went to thai express for tt clear tom yam steamboat thereafter. its becoming a bad routine man. my stomachs like building its immunity against it already!

and i read Mis Match, which was pretty interesting abt a cross cultured couple getting tgt.

and today we played tennis. yuhe anghong woonloong tiefu nikhil jianming and i. really had a good time under the sun! and my best fren was nice enuff to pair up with me! n hey we make a pretty gd team man, cos i just ride on his gd skills, i serve n he will do the job. haha. i screwed up a few times but he din do anything to me so tts really nice. but i tell u , the best things i like abt tennis, is the SUN! and the SHIIIOOOK feeling when u finally do a good pro serve. im gonna practise tt after the A's man. one more activity :)

so the results are coming back tmr. good luck ppl, we will walk thru this tgt :)

prelims, down.

the prelims are over!!


heh acty it was pretty fast n painless, now tt i think back... life has been awesome the past 3 days, lemme tell u what i did since the papers ended. :)





class cycling
happy hour pool
parkway dinner
fun at tats hse with psp soccer n beads
long long sleep
badminton
soyabean ice cream at qh hse
katong pool
pizza hut
movie, the secret
sleep
swensEns ice cream and mussels [IMBA!]
gossiping
arcade
the caffe bar lunch/teabreak?
shopping at parkway
sleep
mooncake delivering
sleep





ok basically all i did was played n eat n played n sleep n yea u get the picture.and spend lots of cash. hahaha. acty its quite tiring man, i feel quite worn out still. but i think if i cont doing this for a month i will be really sick of all these fun man. heres some photos to do the talking. :)

06s48 :)

honey, does the box above look vaguely familiar?
i think u are gonna kill me for eating it without u...
leonard and baboonsin
boon u owe us chngtng dun u dare forget.
joanna!
jo and steamking
SIEW MAI!
hahah inverted siewmai acty.

okay acty theres more ppl like shuyu n chormiang n qinghong n juechen but they din take any photos with me :( SEE la i wanted a grp photo right. argh.

im trying to keep my cool, to contain my frustrations. i am still going to stand by my word to not complain about these small matters again, but somehow i feel my patience running thin. im trying my best to put myself into other peoples shoes n try to think about how they think, and im really making the effort to maintain a balance between everything i hold dear. but it seems like everything i do doesnt bring any results, n i think thats really sad. because now im beginning to doubt that its actually really my fault, but rather your own actions n words tt are pulling us further apart.

times like these, i feel like doing what daniel does best,
scream the f word in tt agonising voice. hahaha, no im joking.
i'll hang on and try to overcome these odds, i need to get it done somehow.

happy weekends:)

ok phase two of THE PRELIMS tomorrow!
actually i really feel okay,
like im nt dying or bursting cos of stress, but it dawned upon me like,
"oh........... so this is how prelims feels like."
so, 2 more papers for me, i'll survive!!!

im really really looking forward to thurs fri sat =)
exciting week man. if all things go as planned.

till then,
keep going dearies!

pick me up

if you realise my list of post a level activities just got LONGER!!! the newer items are on top. heh so many things i wanna do, i think for a week i will camp at home n just cook n bake. feels fun!!! acty i think the thought of doing many things like NOW when i shouldnt be doing them is the fun thing.

watch no reservations yesterday. its reallly a nice movie, okay the first 80% of the movie. the story line was sweet n touching n there were parts abt life, especially the part where the little girl just comes into kates life that was really sad and yet human. but there were really hilarious parts, esp the one when she thought he was gg to kiss her but instead he was reaching out for the scarf behind her. seriously so funny! but the ending was really too adrupt imo, but well its the nice sweet ending. its like having temporal comedy and romance in my own life, a nice chick flick :)

and there was this part where the guy made this whole box of tiramisu for the girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it made me really wanna eat tiramisu, like a whole boxof good tiramisu. so i went searching for tiramisu recipes.

Italian Tiramisu
30 Italian ladyfingers, divided
2 1/2 C. strong warm espresso
2 ounces chopped chocolate, divided
Unsweetened cocoa, for dusting
6 egg yolks
3/4 C. sugar
1 1/4 lbs. mascarpone cheese
2 C. heavy cream
1/3 C. sugar
1 1/2 T. dark rum

Dip the first 18 ladyfingers in the espresso, and line the bottom of the 12 x 9 pan with them. Sprinkle half of the chopped chocolate, and add a generous dusting of the cocoa to the ladyfingers; set aside. Combine the yolks and 3/4 cup of sugar and mix on high with a mixer about 10 minutes. By hand, mix in the mascarpone until incorporated and relatively lump-free; set aside. With a mixer or by hand, whip the cream, 1/3 cup sugar and rum until stiff peaks are formed. Add the mascarpone mixture and whip again until homogeneous. Spread half of the egg/cheese filling on the ladyfingers in the pan. Soak the remaining ladyfingers in espresso and make a second layer (with spaces in between the ladyfingers). Sprinkle with remaining filling evenly over the ladyfingers, and lightly sprinkle with more cocoa. Wrap, refrigerate and chill 4 to 6 hours. Before serving, sprinkle again with a light dusting of cocoa. Slice and serve with a spoon or spatula.


omg!!!!!! i feel like waking up early tmr n going to buy the ingredients den hide at home the whole day making tiramisu. =D





ok reality check physicstuition at 9am tmr morning.
earth to myself.
maybe 3 months down the road i can hide at home n make tiramisu the whole day. heh.

summation of all my random thoughts

i wondered how i would look like if im stick skinny.
imagine caroline, stick skinny. HAHAH not like a day like that would actually come la. i dun wanna be stick skinny anyway, think i will feel so weak i cant run around n play badminton anymore. maybe losing 10kg would be the optimum though, nono maybe 15kg.

i think im really not ready for many stuff thats happening so quicky, but somehow i seem to cant help but jump into things. i know there are many internal issues that i have within myself that i need to settle and deal with. there are things i need to get used to first. foundations that i need to lay down within myself. all these need to come.

today i finally found out how absolut peach really tastes like, cos i drank it on the rocks. the really strong sweet n fruity smell of peach, den the rounded taste tt it has in your mouth, the sharp distinct flavour when you swallow it, and the aftertaste of that hot scalded feeling down the throat. but i think i havent drank for so long, or maybe cos i drank too quickly.

i feel like everythings beginning to spin.
and i found the courage to do what i gotta do.

actually i dont know..

actuallly i dun really know, okay more like i cant decide a course of action to take. do i work hard to proof that whatever that has been said isnt the truth? or do i just listen to it since its the truth, but its really difficult cos well, the whole real truth, hurts. maybe someday, some fine day i would be able to listen to the truth n not feel anything, but even if tt happens, its a long time awway. i guess working to proof it wrong makes more sense huh?

here's a really random thought.
i love my towels to be big n cottony n comfy. i dun knnow why, but they give me the an quan gan. in fact it relieves stress n makes me happy.

the stress is building up up up,

i feel really really tired sometimes.

the line's blurring, but i feel quite confused sometimes. patience dear me! dont allow history to repeat itself, i cant afford to let it.

the holidays begins

YIPPEE!! its the sept holidays. heh :)

i spent 130 bucks in the past 8 days! omg. so time to start saving. heh. so im gonna save really hard this 4 days to come. im nt gonna spend more den 15 bucks! =)
please do nt ask me out to eat this week thank you very much.

today we had this 4hr gp tuition thing, which was surprisingly enjoyable. minus the fact tt i badly wanted to pee like twice n it was really cold n irritating cos the fan was like in my direction.but i enjoyed it probably cos she went thru 2 esssays in detail, about family and the old VS the young. which are like MY topics. haha.
i think we all have different types of topics tt we like, like those tt goes with our character n knowledge scope. topics tt we prefer writing over the otheres. n its quite cool cos sometimes when i get a gp paper i can think abt what questions my friends are gonna be writing about.

but todays lessons was also interesting cos she talked about the career a woman should have, especially for women who wants children and a family of their own. suddenly the things she said made me realise how impactful a marriage can be, and that it really involves more than just the 2 people who are in love. on top of that she always factored in the upbringing of children from a ladies perspective, which made me realise tt my wish of wanting 4 children is really nt merely abt giving birth to 4 kids but like a lifelong thing, tt would be affected by even the choice of career i take, which is ultimately dependant on my course of study tt i choose next yr. talk about life changing decision, ah hah.

and then she talked about the lives tt people lead, how 2 of her ex studs are getting wedded next yr while another girl met with some really rough shit of life. suddenly i thought about my life in the next 5 years or so. really, who knows whats gonna happen man. maybe sometime next yr when i get too bored with the free time tt i start erm.... taking drugs? or maybe something totally unexpected happens which causes me to make a life changing decision like not go to uni n just go to work straight away? oh well, guess its all life. we can never know what the ppl up there are gonna throw us next, can we?

such an eventful day. but i wished it din rain so much though. dear heavens and clouds, please do not rain during the day cos it really induces sleep while im trying to study and it brings HUGE inconveniences when im travelling around. please though. Rain super hard at night when im sleeping so u make my sleep sweeter :) but if u are gonna take this piece of advice, den can u grant me more of such wishes? hehe.

and i started this post a levels to do list at the left hand column of my blog. at least i have things to look forward to doing. feel free to give suggestions!